Final Destination 5 is just starting on TV in the background while the wind outside sounds alarmingly loud – what better Segway for an opener to my blog post airing the laundry on the biggest fears I have. 

Now some of you might think when I mean fears I’m talking about a fear of clowns, green olives, heights, confined spaces or flying. But no – I have no such fears. In fact all of those I actually really like. My fears are much more deeply rooted and inate, so much so they literally drive everything I ever do;

  1. Fear of growing old and regretting my life. This terrifies me. The thought of reaching old age and looking back only to wish I had done more, lived differently, thought about different things – it’s almost crippling. To think I will age not having lived out the life I envision, being the man I want to be for my family and the father my kids deserve makes my heart ache. The definition of pain. It ignites my motivation to aim for legacy, to be remembered by those that mean the most to me, by doing good for them. 
  2. Fear of living a mediocre life and not seeing out my vision. I have high hopes, big goals and a large vision – to think in 30, 40,50 years time I will not have achieved what I’ve envision since I was 16 scares me to bits and ties closely into fear no.1. I appreciate patience is key and being 30 I’m still young which I’m grateful for. However if in the long long term I’m still making no traction worth gasping at I’d be very concerned and begin questioning whether I’m actually equiped to get what I want or rather should I utilise some self awareness (ideally long long before) that I should readjust my compass and review the suitability of my goals. I’ve never had to do this so the thought of that is worrying. 
  3. Loosing my family. I won’t expand on this too much as the thought will bring about too much pain but all I am lies within my family. I’m utterly grateful for them each and everyday and health is super important. 

These three things drive my every action and reason. I regret very little in life, if anything really and I’d like to keep it that way. I’ve made bad choices, like many, let go of some good ideas, probably let some people down, over promised and under delivered but each day I learn more in life and one thing I’m thankful for is my ability to leverage on my lessons and extend these lessons laterally to other areas of my life. 

Besides these I really fear very little and have a reasonable appetitive for managed risk. Ok, so maybe I’m afraid of needles too – like blood tests mainly. Shit gets me oozy. 

What are your biggest fears? Gerkins, tissues or something more central to your nervous system like life, friends or even your own ambition? I’d love to know. 

Ivan. 

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